I have written and re-written some brilliant blog posts in my head over the last few months. They were created at various times in the night, in the darkness, when my wonderful sleep was so interrupted by a gambit of baby noises and movements. I told myself I would take the next opportunity of jotting down the quick succession of profound thoughts. So I here I sit, after just one of those early evening sessions where I found myself wishing away the time. And not just the time, the most precious moments of my life. I don’t mean to say that I am wishing for time to move forward. This is exactly what I always fight against. And yet, this is where my inconsistency comes in. Life is so busy. There is always something to be done. There are always a million things going through my mind. I have found myself neglecting to enjoy the sweet moments with my baby because I feel the need to get to my ‘to do list’, which really is nothing more than meaningless busyness in the grand scheme of life. Levi is teaching me so many things about what is really of import in this life.
We had a long day of shopping today, and Levi was a champ as I dragged him from store to store for nearly 12 hours. Our schedule was thrown off and I didn’t want to make him suffer through a tiring and lengthy bedtime scene. So I decided to nurse him and pat him to sleep as quickly as possible. It took longer than I anticipated and I found myself having moments of impatience and feeling the urge to run out and text somebody something or check something online. How ridiculous is that. And then I realized what I was doing. All of the stupid little things in life could wait. I lay down in my bed and pulled that little miracle close to me and just cuddled with him. If he had been laying in his bed on his own he would have been wiggling all over the place, flipping from his back to his tummy, and going into his “downward dog” position of feet and head with his butt in the air. But since I was laying there next to him he snuggled up next to me and just lay there peacefully. His eyes got heavy and he would just shake his head a little or cuddle his face into my chest. I let everything else fade away, as I should have in the beginning, and enjoyed the moment.
My mom always tells me a story about when she spent hours in the night rocking Danielle when she was a baby. She says that it is one of her favorite memories with her babies. I realize now what she meant. But you have to make the decision to enjoy those times. You can get so caught up in your frustration and fatigue and lose sight of the beautiful opportunity to make the most special memories.