How Come No One Ever Told Me

I have been trying for a week to sit down and write a little, for fear I would forget the tremendous range of emotions that I have been feeling. I still feel that I do not have the words, nevertheless, I will regret it later if I don't, for my own sake, take a moment to try.

Ten days ago my life changed forever when I brought this most amazing little guy into the world. Most incredible day of my life.

I have always been the one who knew I would be a mom someday, but was hesitant to take that step. Indeed, I never stopped being nervous about it throughout my whole pregnancy.  I remember a few years ago one of my sisters was telling me about a movie she watched (I don't even know what movie) in which a woman who did not want to have children got pregnant by mistake. When she was holding her new baby in her arms, she was crying as she said, "how come no one ever told  me it would be this way." I remember getting choked up when my sister told me about that scene, because I knew the inevitable moment would come when I would be that woman holding my new little baby and thinking the same thing.

Well the moment has come, and the range of emotions that I have experienced in the last ten days is indescribable. The moment they placed this little guy on my chest I felt a surge of love within me that no one could ever have found the words to describe. It is something merely to be felt. I wish I could relive that moment. He just lay there and looked in my eyes, as if he were listening to my familiar heartbeat, recognizing that I was his mom.

Everything that was once important to me is fading away in comparison to the needs of this little human who depends on me for everything. Sometimes I want to just sit and cry for fear that I am doing an inadequate job, but little Levi looks up at me as if I were the greatest thing in the world. My sister asked me if now that I knew how wonderful it was, if I wished that I had started this journey of motherhood long ago. Quite the contrary, I feel so thankful that I am still in the midst of this beautiful experience. 

A little bit of rambling... but later I will be thankful that I at least attempted to jot down what is in my heart. Here is my little prince five days old. The cutest thing in the world.

The Moment That Changed My Life

I have never been the type to ever want to hear other’s birth stories. Everyone told me that after I had the baby I would change. I would love to swap stories. I would long to tell everyone all about mine, because it will be something so great that I have achieved. It truly is the greatest thing that I have achieved…. But I still don’t really care to share any of the details. Just the way that long night and day ended.

Oh the ending…. That is what I want to share with everyone. The moment that I wish I could relive over and over, when they placed that amazing little baby on my chest. I wish that I could describe the feeling. I suppose other mothers know. They must, because when they were trying to tell me what it would be like beforehand they would stop talking and just say, “you will know when you experience it”. So true.

I never thought I would want a camera in the room when I was having a baby. I never thought I would want to see pictures of my exhausted self right after the fact. I am just so thankful that my mother knew better. The pictures she captured are the most memorable pictures I have. It is the closest thing I can get to reliving that moment when I first saw my baby… and when he first saw me.

Levi was alert from the moment he came out…. They placed him on my chest and he just stared at me for a full twenty minutes. He did not cry, he just looked at me as if recognizing my heartbeat and my voice. He knew I was his mommy and we looked at each other and bonded. Such a special moment.

Our Marriage at It's Finest

The time has truly flown and baby Levi is coming any day now. When I look back at the last nine months I am shocked that I am already at this nerve wracking and exciting point. Everything is in readiness at home now. I have a little basinet waiting to be filled by the bed. Little hints of the coming change are strewn about the house. It is all quite exciting.

We had a our maternity shoot a few weeks ago. But I wanted to get a few more fun and sentimental pictures. So last weekend I had my sister shoot a few. They feel a little more like "us" and I was quite happy with them.

Another Little Miracle

I took these pictures of my precious little nephew nine days after he entered this world. I kept forgetting to post them, but wanted adorable little Watson to have his moment before I end up splashing these pages with my own little addition to the world.

 

The Countdown Begins

The days are flying by. I keep thinking it is still months away, and yet the days are really numbered now. I keep thinking I will wake up one day and be ready and prepared for this. But are you ever really ready? I don't know. I don't think I will have that moment of readiness before I am actually in the throws. And then I will have this perfect little baby that Cory and I brought into the world. What an amazing thought.

And so my belly is growing bigger every day... I updated my original post to see the belly growth (mostly) week by week.