Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Life is Pain

Once upon a time (well about ten months ago to be exact) I read a girl’s blog in which she shared the specific number of posts she committed to blogging weekly. I thought, awesome, I can do that. And I did…for about nine and a half months.

I think it is silly when bloggers come on after a little silence and apologize to the blogosphere for not writing. I am not about to do that. I am fully aware that all of those charming bloggers who glance at my posts every now and then have their busy lives and do not recognize a silence in my jolly little corner.

But I do. I notice it, I think of it, I struggle with it, I labor over it. And still, I am silent. Oh undisciplined wannabe philosopher! Why don’t I do what I ought to do rather than do what I do not wish to do? (Romans 7 moment…) After all, oftentimes I need my little nook on the web to force my heart and soul into a place of understanding.

In the last few weeks I have felt like I was thrust full speed onto the roller coaster of life without any preparation. What could have happened that put me in this strange place? That’s just it. It has not been one huge thing… but rather dozens of little (and a few not so little) things that have brought me to this weird, thoughtful and partially melancholy state.

Life, this wonderful life that I lead, is hard. Sometimes I hear the line from Princess Bride playing over in my head, “life is pain.” There always seems to be some new obstacle to overcome, some new hurt to feel.

I had a beautiful and painful hospital experience in the last few weeks. The kind that forces all the trivial matters to stand still as you witness first-hand what life truly is about. I have been struggling with the words to write about this event because I felt that it was worthy of a beautiful and well written note. But the grand words have not yet come,yet still, it must be mentioned. My grandma, the dearest woman in the world, was in the hospital after having a stroke. I went there to witness my grandpa, her husband of sixty five years, standing faithfully by her side. He was holding her hand and trying to make her laugh. The history that is created in sixty five years of matrimony is incomparable. The love that I witnessed in that hospital room is what life is all about. She is home now, and doing well. But I will always carry with me those beautiful scenes from the hospital room, where I witnessed the amazing love between two such entwined souls.

In the midst of my emotional state regarding the difficulties that come with living and loving, I was assailed by the poignant pain that can be drawn from no other place than a good classical work. Yes, one of my present ailments has come from the loss of Jean Valjean. Laugh if you will… but really, unless you have read this book, you cannot possibly understand the vast emotional, spiritual, and intellectual, journey I have been on. The depth of goodness and character as seen in this story is unheard of in today’s society. As I reached the end, I lay in my bed and wept. I cried for the goodness of Jean Valjean, the lack of character that I see in the world today, the injustice of mankind, the bitter sweet shift from daughter to wife, the amazing and selfless love of a wonderful father, and the inevitability of losing someone you love. All of these are hard truths to grasp.... and they bring pain to the one who strives to grasp them.

The book was about life. The real, hard, sad, true, painful bits that come with living.

And so the weeks passed in such a way where reality and fiction were entwined to lay a heavy weight upon my soul. After spending time with an acute awareness of the inevitable pains that life will bring I finally reached a better place. The place where I remembered and became supremely grateful for the grace of God.


  1. Crying again. Beautiful post Jonni.

  2. Beautifully written Jonni! Made me cry again too!

  3. I found your blog from Rachel's blog. I loved this post. It was thoughtful and so well-worded. I will have to come visit more often.

    1. Thank you for stopping by Paige! There are some moments and experiences in life that just provoke a lot of thought. Bitter and sweet.


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